Thursday, April 5, 2012

Mass Effect: Artor Perinax's Inspirational Words

Move your asses, soldiers! Hut hut hut hut hut!
One of my favorite classes to play in Mass Effect 3's multiplayer is the turian soldier. In fact, before ME3 even came out, I wrote a character bio/fanfic for a turian soldier named Artor Perinax. Perinax is a career soldier, combat veteran, and a born sergeant. When the war against the Reapers begins, Perinax is a drill sergeant whose job it is to prepare turian soldiers for battle. He wants to do his part to fight the Reapers, so he calls in some favors and banks on his experience and knowledge to get himself appointed to Special Forces.

You can take the sergeant out of the boot camp, but you can't take the boot camp out of the sergeant. So what is it that Sergeant Perinax says to motivate his teammates when they're fighting to save the galaxy? Well...

To a krogan:
- If all krogan looked like you, the salarians wouldn't have bothered with the genophage!
- It's a shame with all those duplicate organs that krogan only have half a brain!
- You're so stupid it's no wonder the Reapers had to put a turian head on a krogan body to make a Brute!
- Who gave you a sniper rifle? When I said 'long range' I didn't mean someone who wields a longer weapon so they can beat more people with it!

To a salarian:
- I'd say drop and give me twenty, but you'd probably break your noodly arms! So drop and write me a twenty-page thesis!
- Pick up your feet! You'll die of old age before you get to the fight!
- What are you waiting for, froggy? Hop on over to that lily pad and give us some covering fire!
- Why, you're the best-looking salarian I've ever seen... .Now why'd you have to go and de-cloak?

To a quarian:
- You eyeballin' me?
- Don't come cryin' to me that you got a suit puncture! That's what antibiotics are for!
- Wipe that idiotic look off your face!
- Nice shooting, you're a real credit to the team! And tell the quarian she's not so bad, either!

To an asari:
- I'm gonna kick your ass so hard, your next kid will have facial markings like the treads on my boot!
- When you popped out, I'll bet your mama wished she were an ardat-yakshi!

To a human:
- In case you need reminding, you're supposed to win a war!
- Try not to bruise your soft flesh when you hold that room, soldier!

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